This past Thursday, a group of men started cat-calling/hitting on a group of women in Chicago. When the women said, no, the men threw bottles and then SHOT at their car as they tried to drive away. One woman was shot in the shoulder, and the driver took a bottle in the head as she tried to drive off. Last month in Washington, DC a Transwoman was shot for turning down a man’s request for sex as she sat in her car. In August a woman in Atlanta was shot for refusing to get in a car with a group of men. In May of 2010 a young woman was shot in the leg for turning down a man’s advances.
Ok, so that was one googling, which also yielded an article on a woman in Australia who was shot in the thigh after refusing to perform oral sex. Many people will claim that these are just “isolated” incidents. But three of those took place in the last two, two and a half months. That’s not really isolated, in fact, that sounds distinctly like a pattern.
When guys complain about women not giving them a straight answer, this is why. Granted, these are fairly extreme. However, on a regular basis women who turn down men, no matter how nicely, are insulted, yelled at, spit on, hit, kicked and knocked to the ground. Most of these assaults go unreported because women know that the police aren’t going to take them seriously, particularly if they’re dressed at all nicely or “sexy.”
This is why the Schrodinger’s Rapist post resonated with so many women.
“Why are you afraid of women?” I asked a group of men.
“We’re afraid they’ll laugh at us,” replied the men.
“Why are you afraid of men?” I asked a group of women
“We’re afraid they’ll kill us,” replied the woman. -Margaret Atwood
When men ignore our boundaries, try to push or test them, we rightfully feel that they are a bigger risk for pushing even more important, dangerous boundaries, like say, raping or hitting you.
Yeah, I know, a lot of you are out there (if you’ve gotten this far) thinking, “That’s bullshit! I’d never do that!” And maybe you wouldn’t, but we can’t take that chance. And when you push boundaries or ignore our “No”s, even about small things, this puts you higher and higher up on the risk scale.
We can’t take those chances because when we’re raped or assaulted it’s always our fault. Everyone tells us so. Every single person who says, “I’d never blame the victim, but if you’re wearing a short skirt, what do you expect?” Every fucking magazine with their “Ten Things You Can Do to Not Be Raped” articles, that place all the onus on women, and none of it on, oh, the rapists.
How do you not scare women?
Respect their boundaries. Take no at face value. As a commenter said over on Pharyngula, you have nothing to lose: If she meant no, you’ve respected her wishes. If she meant “pursue me harder” or whatever bullshit, then bullet dodged. You don’t want to deal with that kind of mind-game playing, anyway.
But in all seriousness, guys, if you ever wonder why women act like their scared of you, read the above links again.
There are some seriously horrible people in the world…
I seem to be attracting a bunch of Christian followers…
Your friendly atheist.
Sound therapists and stress specialists worked with the band Marconi Union to develop “Weightless”, the most relaxing song ever. The tune is below, and IHC takes no responsibility for suddenly passing out while at work if you dare listen to its siren cries.
This is almost paralyzingly relaxing, I just realized I’ve been staring into empty space for two minutes.
Also good for drowning out the annoying as hell teleconference going on down the hall.
You’re supposed to put them in with the wavy part facing in toward your scalp. I didn’t know this until I read it on a blog somewhere. I just thought my hair was too slippery to use bobby pins.
I have no idea why I didn’t figure this out just by looking at bobby pins. In retrospect, it seems pretty obvious that’s what you’re supposed to do.
I’m an idiot.
Silver lining: Suddenly that 50-pack of bobby pins in my bathroom cabinet is no longer clutter.
“Empowered” and “sexy” are not universally synonymous. That a woman is not a sex kitten does not mean that she’s any less comfortable or empowered or any of that stuff. See above, re: not a homogenous demographic. Stop making sexiness a universal demand. Let some characters be unsexy. And for f*ck’s sake, please, please stop drawing women who are injured, or dead, or being tortured, or punching bad guys, in sex-kitten pin-up poses. That is bad visual storytelling, and it is INCREDIBLY creepy. Let women be heroes for the sake of heroism. Women don’t have to be damaged or traumatized to be strong, or to want to make a difference. Corollary: Dropping rape into a backstory is not a panacea for making a female character complex and gritty.
Imagine you have a daughter. Imagine the kind of women you’d like her to want to grow up to be. Write them. Write women you’d want to be friends — really good friends — with. Write women you’d get in arguments with. Write women you’d be legitimately scared of. Write women like your mom, like your aunts, like your wife, like your friends, like your nieces and nephews and daughters and bosses and friends. We are not aliens… This, too, goes back to “doing things.” A lot of the time, male characters act, and female characters are acted upon. Let female characters make difficult choices — and sometimes choose wrong — and have struggles and the same real victories. Because without those things, they’re not characters; they’re just window dressing.” —
“Stop making sexiness a universal demand” YES YES YES GOD YES.
1. How many years do you consider to be a fair prison term for a woman who has an abortion?
2. How many years for a doctor who performs one?
3. What other punishments would be suitable for such a breach of law: a fine, community service, submission to regular pregnancy tests, for instance?
4. Will the punishments be greater the second time around? How else will you handle recidivism?
5. Where will the state get the money necessary to prosecute one-third of all American women for this crime?
6. 42% of women who have an abortion have incomes below 100% of the federal poverty level (that’s $10,830 for a single woman with no children, for those of who are counting). When women are forced to have children they cannot afford to raise, will those children become wards of the state or new Medicaid recipients? Where will the state find the money necessary to support them?
7. Will you be willing to watch your wife die in front of you when her life is threatened by an unsafe pregnancy that no one is allowed to do anything about? Your daughter?
8. Will rapists have to pay child support to women who are forced to have their children?
9. Will the child of incest be in the custody of its rapist father or the father’s teenaged daughter, his mother? In fact, 18% of women who have an abortion in America are teenagers. Will they be required to drop out of high school to raise their children or will the state provide free childcare?
10. Will upper-class white women be prosecuted as vigorously as other women who have abortions?
10.b. You are aware that upper-class white women have abortions, aren’t you?
Suppose there were a fire in a fertility clinic and you could save either 100 embryos scheduled for implantation in 100 women — or a two-year-old child. Which would you save and which would you let burn?
If you believe that an embryo has the same right to life as any person, you should, rationally, choose the 100 embryos, because this would be saving 99 more lives than the two-year-old child’s life. But you would be in meager company.
Oh SNAP! (source)
This is a perfect retort to that ridiculous story about the pregnant woman with one child who goes into the doctor’s office for an abortion only to have the doctor suggest she kill her child. You know the one…